Loving the F
Dr. Deb Kirby | Collaboration
Dr. Deb Kirby is an organizational change consultant who learned early on in her career, the secrets of working with those dominant personalities who put the rest of an organization on edge. She has an innovative and engaging approach for creating meaningful visions, missions, and purpose by accessing generative possibilities. In this conversation, Deb talks about the value of people coming together to collaborate rather than to dominate.
Dr. Deb Kirby
- If someone is really dominant – they’ll push and push and try to get what they can. If you’re a personality who would fall in line – they rely on that. But if you push back, they respect that, especially when they don’t expect it.
- If you’re always trying to get from people – you’re not receiving. And I think, when it’s more collaborative it respects both people in the relationship…When we can come as our full selves – it shines brightly on both people.
- The role dominants play is they’re the big picture people. They can see years past what most people are able to.
- A dominant personality can range from that narcissistic, aggressive personality to assertive. And assertive is usually appropriate.
- Even with a dominant personality the benefit of you being on that equal plane is the sparring that can happen that leads to greater thinking. You’re not sparring with each other – you’re sparring with the idea.so you can manifest better ideas.
- I think its important that we all figure out for us what our own powerful stance is. I don’t mean aggressive, I mean who we really are and working with others to help them bring who they are to the table so we’re just people. We’re not pretending to be things we’re not because that’s the source of great confusion, frustration and misunderstanding because there’s this filtering going on when…the more you can be at ease the more
- There’s so much technology involved (in hiring) which is good, but then you have the consequences…We’re not able to understand each other, we don’t relate - I think it’s sad that we’re losing some of our humanity I think.
- Movements like “Me Too” are very important and critical for people to be able to acknowledge what happened in their lives and to help them feel empowered…Ten-thousand or more years ago women were the ruling class. I use “rule” loosely because women are very inclusive, collaboratively, diversely.
- In matriarchal rule there is no evidence of mass wars like there are with patriarchal. It was more about consensus making – women didn’t weaponize people. As women are remembering their legacy, empowering themselves and while it appears on the news that war is increasing, the statistical evidence is that it has greatly decreased since the 1950’s.
- Real feminist characteristics – for me – are natural diversity, inclusion, collaboration and participation and all of those things.
- I believe we’re going to make a greater impact from a real place of self that honors everybody.
- I really want to encourage people; to thrive and flourish – not stopping at the place they acknowledge they’ve been a victim. It’s important – but don’t stop there. Keep going and become the fullest version of yourself, whatever that might be.
- We’ve all suffered on many levels many different things. How resilient are you to use it and move on? But to stay stuck is to allow the other person to win and not respect fully everything else you have and you’re potential.
- Imagine what we could spark if there wasn’t this whole filter of tension and stuff going on. But if we were purely working together, men and women, to accomplish things, what could happen? I think it would be amazing.
- Out of fear sometimes, other people will try to diminish you because they just don’t know what to do with you.
- I would blow the whole relationship up until it was smoldering ash and then say, “Okay, now lets get on with things.” Because then we were formidable competitors now moving toward collaborators and that was my ideal place to be.
- There is so much compatibility in our differences and our sameness and that’s way more interesting - there’s way more texture there.
- Lets go back and reclaim our legacy of more imaginative, more intuitive, all of the goodness that is characteristic of the feminine spirit.